Managing the Challenges of Joint Custody with Teenage Children

While divorce is always difficult, it is even more difficult when trying to manage a parenting schedule with teenage children. As children grow they become more independent and have their own commitments and social lives. Those commitments and social lives present challenges for parents who are living in the same home but those challenges are more dramatic for separated or divorced parents. Parents have to balance their own needs and desires regarding their children with the needs and interests of the children in remaining connected to their network of friends, classmates, teammates and co-workers. Often times the regimented schedules that are implemented for younger children are not feasible for teenage children. In order to manage your parenting time effectively, a willingness to be flexible is key. Additionally, a commitment to communication with your co-parent will help foster a positive relationship with your child. Children benefit when they know their parents are aligned when it comes to issues related to them. Children are keenly aware of when they are being used as a pawn in their parents' disagreements versus when their parents are truly working together to do what is best for them. Some keys to help manage co-parenting in the teenage years:

1. Communicate with your co-parent. Even if you disagree it's important to keep the lines of communication open.
2. Get input from your child on what is important to them. Children need to know they don't make the final decisions (that's the parents' job) but respecting them and asking for their input will be appreciated by them.
3. Be willing to compromise. If you show your co-parent that you are willing to compromise and be flexible, eventually, they will do the same for you – and most important, your child will benefit from your willingness to work together.
4. Ask for information. Don't assume you know the answer to why your child or your co-parent wants to arrange the schedule in a particular way. Ask questions to understand their goal. In doing this many more options and solutions are opened up and you increase the chances of reaching everyone's goals.

Selecting the right lawyer and the right process is critical in establishing, maintaining and growing your co-parenting relationship and your relationship with your teenage child. In Harrisburg and York, parents can choose the Collaborative Law process for this purpose. In Collaborative Law, the parents work together to create fair solutions for the benefit of all involved. The Collaborative Law process works for families because at its root is the understanding that a divorce if often more about the restructuring of relationships than the end of those relationships.